As many of you know, Matt and I are having our first little baby! As any mother would say, I can't explain the words to you about what it is like to be pregnant...there are so many things going around in my head. I could cry at any second (probably hormones) thinking about the miracle of life inside me, and I could puke at any second (definitely hormones) thinking about how many things we need to get done before this baby comes!
It is so funny the way that God works. When I was 14, I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts that would periodically rupture! YOOOUCH! So I had been on birth control for years to stop this from happening. I have seen countless doctors and taken countless medications. The general consensus has always been that it would be really hard to get pregnant, if I could get pregnant at all. This statement has haunted me forever! I have always wanted to be a mom...ALWAYS! The thought of not being able to have children has always been very hard. Adoption has always been something that I planned on and expected in my life.
Needless to say, I saw a doctor back in February of 2008 about my condition, and told her that Matt and I were talking about kids. She was very reassuring and said that most couples try for a year, and then if I wasn't pregnant by then, that I would need to see a fertility specialist. I remember leaving that appointment excited and like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. I don't know if I was thinking that I would be pregnant in a week, or if I just was excited that there was a possibility that I could have children...
Well, if anyone of you has tried to get pregnant but didn't, you know the frustration. It is so funny, because I don't think I understood the journey that God would take us on trying to have this baby! We tried for a few months...nothing...we tried a few more months...nothing...all the while, it seemed that everyone around us got pregnant by just thinking about it...By the end of 2008, still nothing. I actually had a false positive pregnancy test (who does that happen to?) at the end of December. At that point, Matt and I both were so incredibly discouraged...after all, only a few more tries before we would need to go see a fertility specialist. Throughout the entire journey, I had thought I had surrendered the whole thing to God...I felt like I was being as patient as I could...I cried only a few tears...Matt and I prayed to God for strength...etc. But, when it came down to it, I don't think I had really said to God, "I trust you with my life...children or no children." Matt and I decided that we would take a few months off from baby talk in December to refocus on trusting God. In January, I began praying and looking into a mission's trip to Cambodia to fight human trafficking...The contact lady said that I was a perfect candidate and emailed me the application to fill out. As much as I wanted it, there was a check in my spirit...it was then that I ovulated 8 days early which never happens and TA DA! Baby!
Through this experience, I have learned so much, but mostly that God is the one with the plan for my life...he doesn't just watch over me as I go through the life that I planned...he actually has a set path for me to walk on. I have so much more peace knowing for a fact that God is holding me in His hands so tightly! Psalm 121 says "he will never let your foot slip..." As a former rock climber, I have this imagery of God as the ultimate spotter as I am climbing a cliff! He won't let me fall!
Overall, I have been feeling great! The first few weeks I was mostly tired...now I am still tired but not as overwhelmingly tired...I can actually do normal things, like laundry or blogging! ha I am not too sick as long as I eat often! Matt has been the best husband, as usual, taking care of me and making sure that I am ok. He never hesitates to get up and make me breakfast, or bring me lunch if I ate all my food before lunch time...ha He is the best! So far there has been no weight gain...I don't crave anything except lucky charms which give me heart burn I have learned! Probably good that I don't eat them so that my baby doesn't come out looking like a leprechaun!
We had our first ultrasound last week...it was AMAZING! You could see our baby's heart beating STRONG! Matt said loudly, "THAT IS SO COOl!"...he also told our nurse to not call our baby a critter...he said later he was "offended by the comment." Ha, so funny coming from someone who barely ever says anything. I had some blood work and testing done too and everything is looking good so far! We won't find out the sex until the end of April! I am currently due October 13!
There are so many things to think about! Don't eat this, do eat this...don't go there go here...do have natural...don't have natural...SO MANY decisions to make. However, I am still on cloud nine knowing that God breathed life into my child...that the day those cardiac cells starting beating in time together, God touched me....that everyday another fingernail or toe becomes more defined, God is sculpting my child from within me...it is a MIRACLE!