Saturday, November 20, 2010

New Seasons!

I love fall. I love the way a tree with bright red leaves takes my breath away. As if God Himself is unveiling beauty before us. I love all the smells of fall: rain, apple pie, firewood. I love apple hill, Thanksgiving, and all the memories that emcompass it. Most of all, I love the feeling that a new season is approaching. That a new time in life is about to start. It couldn't be a better reflection of my life right now.

A month ago today, Hailey turned one. I can't believe I even just wrote that. It seems like only yesterday I was swaddling her and placing her in her bassinet...or working overly hard to get one little smile out of her. Now, all she does is smile and laugh and dance and run and learn new things. I adore her! Just thinking of her brings a smile to my face. No one else in the world has ever made me laugh so hard, or reflect on God's love the way that she has.




A few weeks before Hailey turned one, Matt and I found out that Baby #2 is on the way! I'm going to try and explain how I feel about this. At first, it was very unrealistic for us. It was hard to accept, and still is setting in for us. With Hailey, it took work. Not just physically :), but spiritually. It took time. I can look back now and say that there was never a time in my life before that I had learned more from. I learned the TRUE meaning of hope...of patience...of trust that God knew EXACTLY what my life would look like, and He was going to bring me the greatest fulfillment out of it...child or not. It was truly a hard and edifying time for me personally, I think for Matt as well. So when Hailey's first birthday was coming close, Matt and I thought...well, last time it took a while...and we don't want our kids too far apart. Let's just see what happens. I prayed one prayer. "God, help me not to have a melt down like last time. I want to truly demonstrate to you that I've grown, and DO trust you." I honestly didn't think much about "trying" to get pregnant. With Hailey there were doctors visits, ovulation tests, and different methods to track fertility. With this one, there was NONE of that! You can only imagine the surprise I got when I stopped on my way to work on a Monday and picked up the cheapest pregnancy test in the store, and saw a faint little pink line. I'll never forget the two moments now I've had seeing a positive pregnancy test! One was a complete overwhelming JOY, and the other a complete overwhelming SHOCK! I felt almost robotic that night, walking around the Galleria mall looking for a Big Sister T Shirt for Hailey so I could take her to Matt's work and tell him. When we walked in the door of Walgreens, Matt said,"Sister????? Are you pregnant???" with a shocked half smile. We ate our dinner laughing the entire time.

Since then, we've had our first ultrasound...there is nothing that can explain seeing your baby on that little monitor...the little heartbeat fluttering away. It amazes me...that all of a sudden one day the cells that will become the chambers of the heart just begin to know at that moment, God smiles and remembers the words he spoke at the first creation of man..."It is good..."

You would think that with a second baby you would think things like, "I know what to expect, I got this." But the truth is, I have NO IDEA what to expect. I just imagine myself having another Hailey! I can't imagine that there is a second child joining our family in June. They will be 20 months apart...HOLY MOLY! I haven't even started thinking about what that means yet...just trying to soak it in! We are awe and wonder that God had this as the plan for our lives. We are a little nervous too, but more than anything just dreaming of what our life will look like in 6 1/2 months.




Brooke said...

I love the pic of Hailey in your header! So adorable!

And I know exactly what you mean about just picturing another Hailey... I couldn't imagine having a kid that wasn't my Evie!

20 months apart is where it is at! It's what all the cool kids are doing :-)

LIZRICE said...

Sooo happy for you Ash, and your adorable little (and growing) family.



Gramma Diane said...

I always have the tears flowing when I read your blogs Ashley. I so much love u ! (kiss Ms. Hailey and my boy for me) MommaD