Our Baby!

As many of you know, Matt and I are having our first little baby! As any mother would say, I can't explain the words to you about what it is like to be pregnant...there are so many things going around in my head. I could cry at any second (probably hormones) thinking about the miracle of life inside me, and I could puke at any second (definitely hormones) thinking about how many things we need to get done before this baby comes!


It is so funny the way that God works. When I was 14, I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts that would periodically rupture! YOOOUCH! So I had been on birth control for years to stop this from happening. I have seen countless doctors and taken countless medications. The general consensus has always been that it would be really hard to get pregnant, if I could get pregnant at all. This statement has haunted me forever! I have always wanted to be a mom...ALWAYS! The thought of not being able to have children has always been very hard. Adoption has always been something that I planned on and expected in my life.


Needless to say, I saw a doctor back in February of 2008 about my condition, and told her that Matt and I were talking about kids. She was very reassuring and said that most couples try for a year, and then if I wasn't pregnant by then, that I would need to see a fertility specialist. I remember leaving that appointment excited and like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. I don't know if I was thinking that I would be pregnant in a week, or if I just was excited that there was a possibility that I could have children...





Well, if anyone of you has tried to get pregnant but didn't, you know the frustration. It is so funny, because I don't think I understood the journey that God would take us on trying to have this baby! We tried for a few months...nothing...we tried a few more months...nothing...all the while, it seemed that everyone around us got pregnant by just thinking about it...By the end of 2008, still nothing. I actually had a false positive pregnancy test (who does that happen to?) at the end of December. At that point, Matt and I both were so incredibly discouraged...after all, only a few more tries before we would need to go see a fertility specialist. Throughout the entire journey, I had thought I had surrendered the whole thing to God...I felt like I was being as patient as I could...I cried only a few tears...Matt and I prayed to God for strength...etc. But, when it came down to it, I don't think I had really said to God, "I trust you with my life...children or no children." Matt and I decided that we would take a few months off from baby talk in December to refocus on trusting God. In January, I began praying and looking into a mission's trip to Cambodia to fight human trafficking...The contact lady said that I was a perfect candidate and emailed me the application to fill out. As much as I wanted it, there was a check in my spirit...it was then that I ovulated 8 days early which never happens and TA DA! Baby!


Through this experience, I have learned so much, but mostly that God is the one with the plan for my life...he doesn't just watch over me as I go through the life that I planned...he actually has a set path for me to walk on. I have so much more peace knowing for a fact that God is holding me in His hands so tightly! Psalm 121 says "he will never let your foot slip..." As a former rock climber, I have this imagery of God as the ultimate spotter as I am climbing a cliff! He won't let me fall!



Overall, I have been feeling great! The first few weeks I was mostly tired...now I am still tired but not as overwhelmingly tired...I can actually do normal things, like laundry or blogging! ha I am not too sick as long as I eat often! Matt has been the best husband, as usual, taking care of me and making sure that I am ok. He never hesitates to get up and make me breakfast, or bring me lunch if I ate all my food before lunch time...ha He is the best! So far there has been no weight gain...I don't crave anything except lucky charms which give me heart burn I have learned! Probably good that I don't eat them so that my baby doesn't come out looking like a leprechaun!



We had our first ultrasound last week...it was AMAZING! You could see our baby's heart beating STRONG! Matt said loudly, "THAT IS SO COOl!"...he also told our nurse to not call our baby a critter...he said later he was "offended by the comment." Ha, so funny coming from someone who barely ever says anything. I had some blood work and testing done too and everything is looking good so far! We won't find out the sex until the end of April! I am currently due October 13!




There are so many things to think about! Don't eat this, do eat this...don't go there go here...do have natural...don't have natural...SO MANY decisions to make. However, I am still on cloud nine knowing that God breathed life into my child...that the day those cardiac cells starting beating in time together, God touched me....that everyday another fingernail or toe becomes more defined, God is sculpting my child from within me...it is a MIRACLE!

Human Trafficking...

Hey All!

I just got back from a last minute decision to go to Azusa to see my good friend Corinne!!! I was only there Monday and then came back today, but it was awesome! We drove down the coast for a few hours and walked on the beach...it was exactly what I needed...some 80 degree weather and to see the ocean! The drive there is roughly six hours long...can I just say, "I love my HONDA!" I got 42 miles to the gallon! I want to have it forever! On the way down I listened to my first book on CD...I think I am now addicted to it! From now on, every time I have a long drive I am going to get one!

The book was The Road To Lost Innocence by Somaly Mam. It is her memoir of her experience with human trafficking in Cambodia. She was sold into a brothel at nine years old...This topic is something very close to my heart. In June, when we first went to Crossroads, a girl asked me if I wanted to go with her to San Francisco...seeing an opportunity to make a new friend, I went thinking we were going to go shopping...instead we attended an informational seminar on human trafficking...at this time my eyes were opened wider than ever before to the world we live in...human trafficking in a sentence is modern day slavery...over 27 million people are enslaved right now and growing! Stats say that every 90 seconds someone is trafficked...These victims are forced into slavery, forced to do everything under the sun from cleaning and farming, to sex and prostitution...My heart broke completely as I watched a video at this seminar where a man in Cambodia payed only $6.00 for a nine year old girl...to have his way with her and then return her to a brothel...Can you even imagine it? I couldn't believe my eyes and ears as I watched...learning that in Cambodia...girls as young as 5 years old are sold into brothels...women are forced into prostitution and beaten...they are left empty, bleeding, and feeling like trash in the gutter...I was even more appalled to hear that one of the largest places in the world for trafficking is in San Francisco...and that even in Sacramento girls and boys are sold to work for unpaid wages and prostitution! Again I ask, Can you even believe it? Over the last few months I responded to a call and open doors to get involved in the effort to raise awareness on human trafficking...I was affirmed in this calling at the Women's Retreat in November...Joanne Lyon talked about trafficking and how World Hope is getting involved...She told stories of girls that had nothing...no education, no skill, no money, no family, no friends...just a torn up body and a traumatized mind. World Hope rescues these women and brings them to Christ...their lives change dramatically and a new HOPE is restored in them! After the retreat, God began to open the doors to get involved...Elizabeth Holmes, our pastor's wife, began to tell me that she too was called to get involved. I was asked to join the mission's team at church. I prayed about it, asking God if He wanted me to add one more thing to my already full plate...after a few days, I got this overwhelming feeling in my quiet times...I began to hear "How could you not get involved?...You have the ANSWER! You have the HOPE! I have great plans for you to reveal that HOPE!" So I attended our first meeting. After discussing the agenda, our leader at then end asked if there were any more comments...I felt an urge to share my passion for anti-trafficking...for victims in Cambodia and in the US...after I spilled my guts not sure if I made any sense at all, it was to my surprise that other's felt the same way! God had already prepared our hearts to get on board...we just didn't know it yet! So, we decided to start by hosting an informational night at our church (will be FEB 28 at 6:30 - everyone invited!!) and explored the possibility of going to Cambodia in November to work in the after care process with victims...since then, I have done a lot of research on the issue...some which is overwhelmingly heart breaking...last week I attended a meeting for the Sacramento Coalition of Resources to Stop Human Trafficking...it was inspiring to hear so many people speak (including the leader of the human trafficking wing of the FBI!), but so disappointing to hear of all the loop holes and lack of resources there are to help these victims...I am looking for open doors...to see where we can help and provide clothing or food or shelter...we are starting from scratch...taking on the world just one victim at a time! I am constantly bewildered...there are so many things on my heart and I ask God all the time, how is it all going to fit? I only have 90 years or so! ha He reminds me everyday that he makes a way...I can see it happening already, the trail blazed before me to follow His footsteps! You and everyone you know are invited to attend our informational night on Human Trafficking...we are having incredible speakers come and share ways that we can get involved to stopping something so evil...some amazing websites are http://www.love146.org/ (watch the video...it's amazing...) and http://www.notforsale.com/ and http://www.worldhope.org/

Thanks for reading another LONG entry!

New Year's Resolution: UPDATE BLOG

Ok ok so I have been getting a lot of flack (rightly so) for not updating...I SWEAR to you all I will not neglect the blog any longer! ha Truth is I was surprised how many people actually do READ blogs...So here I go

Matt and I are doing great! I feel as if we have taken a breath of fresh air. Not sure what attributed to that feeling, maybe a New Year turning...but I love it! I feel very optimistic, and like God has given me a vision for our future. A new season and a new time! I can't wait!

PLEASE be praying! We are hoping to move in March (would love a cute duplex)...I can't tell you how much I want this to happen! All of our stuff is in storage...and I am finally starting to realize, oh yeah I have a whole kitchen packed away somewhere, and photos, and cute candles, and a bunch of meaningless stuff that feels like home! While we have lived without it for a year now, I can't wait to make a place our own again! We have been blessed where we are, and I can't say thank you enough for such gracious hearts...but it's time for a change!

Also add to the Matt and Ashley prayer list (because I'm sure you have one racked up by now): Matt has applied for a promotion at work...his District Manager told his Store Manager (don't you feel back in middle school now) that she loved his personality and that she was looking forward to getting to know him better...that is REALLY good news and we will know by February if he has been accepted into the store manager training program!

School starts next week (Blah...) I definitely have senioritis...ALMOST DONE! I am taking a full load (won't tell you exactly how full). My classes are really good ones this semester...I no longer have to take random electives (like jewelry making or calculus). All classes from here on out are specifically for my major which I love. I am also going to be taking classes through the Wesleyan Church to become a licensed minister! Got my little packet and recommendation letters on the to do list!

Leading the college group is UH-MAZ-ING! We had group last night and the room was overflowing! I am going to have risers built to put along the back wall to accommodate more people! AH! I have been seeking God asking Him what he wants ROOTS Young Adult Ministries to DO! What is our purpose? How can we support our church in this growing time? What do you want to challenge us with? Well, He answered! The other week or so I was cleaning out one of our rooms in the church...(Side note: I moved a HUGE book shelf all by myself from one room to the other!...just wanted to brag!)...anyway I was sorting through a trillion different books and a few random items in the room. I came across this banner from like 40 years ago that said "Playground donated in honor of Irene Peace's mother." Irene Peace is one of the matriarch's of our church...you know the dedicated sold out people that support the church no matter what...no matter what style of music or leadership comes in...She just recently had a stroke, but is doing very well now with speech therapy...and she COMES TO CHURCH every Sunday...people like this are my inspiration! To say all that, my heart broke a little when I read that banner...I looked out the window at our playground...with it's broken swing and rusted equipment...no children ever play on it (mostly because it is unsafe) and it sits at the front of our church for all the world to see...Over the next few days the playground was really on my heart...just the sadness of the whole thing...what it symbolized...a church that has been through hell and back...a battered, tired, worn down place. Since we have been there in June, there is a new spirit there! There is a spirit of adventure, of life, of love, of community that has never been there before! It is a miracle! The playground does not fit into that...God told me he wants our college group to fund raise and donate a new playground. I cried thinking of the incredible symbolism that it held...so much more than a playground...but something to show the LIFE that is infused into our bones at Crossroads! To draw families and children (which we have none of yet...just college age and over 45 for the most part) SO I announced all that nervously last night and when I finished I heard a hearty AMEN from a girl in the corner! Everyone was super excited! We are going to have a planning meeting soon, so please pray if you think of it! I can't wait to see how God uses us to bring about His plan! I can't believe this is my life! I am so blessed and honored...I am constantly reminded that God uses the weak to lead the strong...humbling to be a leader of incredible people...it is for sure that it is ALL God and no me...just a willingness to be used...that's all.

There is so much more to say which I will save for my next blog...or six blogs! But I just wanted to end on a funny holiday memory! My sisters came to town for Christmas, and my dad and I went to the airport to pick them up...you will not believe your eyes when you see the videos below! Let's just say, I hope I am still as much a child as my father is at 45!

One goes and they all go...

So tonight we had our all church decorating party. We set up a huge Christmas tree on the stage, at cookies, hung garlands, and listened to Christmas music. I was warmed watching everyone, men and women if you can believe it, hanging ornaments and singing joyfully. I was assigned the task of decorating our fellowship hall tree. It is a pretty small tree. I tried to make my own bows. WHen that failed I got my mom on the phone who attempted to "show" me how to make them. I soon realized that no matter how crafty my mom is, I just don't have what it takes. Every once in a while I can pop out a cute baby shower or bridal shower (or six) invitation, but that is about it. So as I sat staring at my charlie brown tree with it's pathetic bows, I noticed a string of lights that was flickering. I walked over and touched it which caused all the lights to go out. I shook it a little and they flickered back on but quickly turned off again. From decorating with mom I knew that one little light bulb often caused the whole strand to turn off. I carefully inspected each and every lightbulb. Literally, the very last lightbulb on the strand was unplugged (go figure) just enough to make the whole cord go out. I plugged it in tightly and WAHLAH (not sure if that is the correct spelling of that expression) the whole strand lit up.

It reminded me of when Paul talks about the body of Christ...how each person is gifted specifically for the function of the entire body...the body won't work with three eyes and no arms...each part plays a part. When one part is lacking, the whole body has to work extra hard to bring functioning up to par. Just like the lights, if one person is unplugged, the whole body hurts. God has gifted each and every person to play a role in His plan. I think sometimes we can compare our own role to the role of others; rating each on a scale...but the truth is, every single part needs to be engaged and actively working. Our faith is not just for ourselves. When we are connected with God it effects the whole body...when we are disconnected it shows.

December is one of the busiest times of the year for me...finals, busy at work, church events and parties, and of course shopping. Let's make a pact right now that we will continue to make time for God...to put ourselves aside and serve our Lord. Only in Him can we find rest...only in Him do we have true purpose...what is more important than that?

What Can Separate Us?

This blog is a place where our friends and our family can read updates about our journey with God...a way for you to get connected with how God is moving and how He is blessing us!

I can't believe it's almost Christmas! Someone in the crowds of Black Friday today said, "Have a Merry Christmas!" and I thought...wait a minute I am not even used to Happy Thanksgiving yet! But the truth is it really is almost here...and soon after that 2009! Thinking upon the last year of our lives amazes me. So much has changed since the ball dropped in January. I can remember praying 2008 in, asking God to grow me...asking Him to draw me closer to Him...asking Him to let me experience Him for who He says He is (instead of my perception of Him). As the end of this year approaches, I can say that He has answered that prayer...I have learned that God rarely makes sense, that His plans are completely different than mine sometimes, that I know nothing in the end, that I have no control...absolutely none...that there is freedom in being poor and needing God for every little thing, that God will take you farther than you ever thought you could go, but He will not let you over the edge of sanity, that He will provide, that He does not blink an eye when looking on your life, and mostly I have learned that He is patient as you learn all this.
I have felt like Peter so many times...walking on water one second and all of sudden stopping and thinking "HOLY MOLY I'M WALKING ON WATER IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM." The transition of churches has been a time of TRULY relying on God (because there is no other choice). I think before this experience, I would confidently say that I rely on God for what I need...but not until our first day at our new church (Crossroads) did I really live that out. This experience has been something so incredible. I have never felt so partnered with God...never so sure of what I was doing...never so tired...never so on fire...never so homesick but never so understood...never so confident in prayer...God has answered prayer so tangibly...so miraculously. It has been hard, it has been sacrifice, but it has been fulfilling...What can separate us?

Matt and I both are leading ministries at our church...Matt the highschool students and me the college students. It has been so great to see our ministries growing every single week. I think we would both agree that this is to no credit of our own. The people at Crossroads are wonderful...and it has a feeling like that at Arcade (like home). I have become fond of the smell of the wooden pews and the floral carpet. I love the way the candle light flickers on the gigantic cross on our Tuesday night prayer meetings (and how freaked out I get everytime Matt climbs the faux rock wall to light a candle 30 feet up with no where to fall but into the baptismal tub)...We got to experience a few baptisms in that tub since we have been there. I have heard that before the last year there had not been baptisms for a while. God has provided us with incredible relationships that I am sure will be forever...people that bear your burdens with you...that cry just because you are crying...that hang out all the time. I swear the first 3 months we were here we could never go home after church...there was always some fellowship event being held. We even rented a huge slip and slide once...all the old men had a BLAST (not to mention myself!)

All that to say that God truly does provide. When we felt God calling us to leave Arcade, my heart was crushed. How could we leave the place that God first called our names...where my most intimate worship times have been...where my family is...where we have such an incredible support system (praise God for you and your support even now!)...a place so full of God? It didn't make sense to me at the time. When I walked into the doors at Crossroads that first Sunday I felt God, I heard God, and I saw Him... and that made it home. It wasn't better or worse...it was just right...just where God had been calling us to be.

I wish I could say that I did not have a million questions for God, or that even now I still do...but I know He is patient to answer them one by one...to show me that I can trust Him (like he needs to prove it).